Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Meme'd By Freeman

Public menace and funny playwright Matt Freeman insists I blog about "seven strange things" about myself. Gosh, where do I start?? Only seven . . . .

1. This is sort of strange, but not especially. More like "mildly amusing lame thing" about yourself. I took a writing class with awesome pulp science fiction and fantasy writer Gene Wolfe in 1997 in Chicago. In one of the stories I wrote and Gene marked up, I wrote: "She took it in her hands and slid it under a glass." (Brilliant, huh?)-- Gene circled the words "in her hands" and wrote in the margin of the story "if she takes it in her mouth, tell me." It took me eleven years to realize that was a dirty joke. At the time, I thought he was just making a point about overwriting. I remember my earnest little 20-something self pouring over his advice and thinking that he meant I should only specifiy how a character handles an object if he or she is behaving unusually. I made notes to that effect in my journal. Earnest little notes. I pulled out the story and looked over it during my last round of 8 Little Antichrists rewrites a couple weeks ago (it is the first attempt I made to write the Claudia / breeder vat warehouse storyline) and laughed my head off. Hell is being stranded on a deserted island with yourself in your 20s.

Okay, the rest are shorter.

2. My cat's full name is Andrej Wajda Zbigniew Adams. Vets love me.

3. My favorite chef in California works in Little Saigon at a small storefront Vietnemese vegetarian restaurant. He has taken a vow of silence. I once got seriously insulted when I was leaving the restaurant because he frantically signalled that he wanted to 'talk' to me and then made a bunch of hand gestures I thought were telling me I looked taller and fatter. Turns out, he was just asking why my friend who'd been going there with me (and is taller and fatter) was not with me. But things were really tense for a moment. Silent, but TENSE.

4. I did a nude talkback for a one act of mine at a naturist resort. I was nude and the 60 people watching were nude. The first comment we got was that the way the actors had groomed their pubic hair did not represent their characters well. Luckily, I have plenty of experience being naked and feeling completely awkward-- that came in handy.

5. I like to cut lemons in half, sprinkle salt on them and eat them.

6. I brought fresh durian to work once in California and the facilities manager came into my cube thinking there was a gas leak in the building. My coworkers lit matches outside my cube and glared at me all day. We had layoffs that day, too, and that made them all even madder.

7. I have a large, paint-by-numbers portrait of Jesus kneeling in the garden of Gethsemene on black velvet in my living room. My mother painted it when I was five. After she died it ended up in an aunt's garage for while. She gave it to me after I graduated college because I was old enough to "take care of it." Unfortunately, she didn't mean old enough to take Jesus out behind the garage and shoot him in the head kind of take care of it. She meant frame it and display it properly. And I can't bring myself to get rid of it.

My strange things are concentrated around sex jokes, nudity, fruit, my cat, and Jesus resentment. Hmmm. That is probably a strange thing in and of itself.

I am not meme'ing anyone else. I am breaking the chain. I think you are all weird enough as it is.

1 comment:

Freeman said...

Public menace. I like the sounds of that.