Thursday, October 2, 2008

Monologue from New Verse Play

I am calling the play LICKSPITTLES, BUTTONHOLERS, AND DAMNED PERNICIOUS GO-BETWEENS.

It is a light, frothy silliness that desperately wants to be a Moliere play. But he is dead, so it is stuck with me. It is supposed to be written in iambic hexameter with rhyming couplets-- but I suck at iamb's and hexameter, so I am mainly just going for the rhyming couplet part right now.

STUB is the worst buttonholer in the Danish court (circa 1807). He has buttonholed a young maid (SESTINE) in a chapel.

STUB
Oh, I say, I say, dear girl, do you have the time?

(SESTINE shakes her head no.)

STUB (CONT’D)
Of all things on this planet, aren’t churches sublime?
This nice spot, how the light from the stained glass ripples!
But the reverend here, dear, well, you know he tipples.
Churches are like that. Gorgeous, breath-taking exteriors,
But inside, clergy and parishioners, oh, simply inferiors.
No, it never fails. Yes, it’s just the way of the world
Ever since God, glorious majesty, his creation unfurled.
Not a simple apple can be found, without a worm at its heart,
Nothing man builds with his hands will not fall apart.
Oh, it distresses me greatly, every night I weep and moan,
But pray as we might, God’s left this poor world on its own.
We must learn to care for our brethren, our fellow man,
On that topic, I’d like to give you some advice if I can.
Do you mind? Would it bother you? Tell me if you’re peeved.
I won’t say it if you think my intentions ill-conceived!
Oh, you sheltered darling! Poor God-fearing Lutheran child,
In this apostolicity is one who would see you defiled!
Apostolicity. Greek derivation. Of or pertaining to
Apostles. Etymology? Are word origins of interest to you?
Well, not important. Off the subject. I digress,
I’m here to save you, Sestine, in your time of distress!
No, don’t look ‘round you, as if you fear I am mad,
If you value your virtue, of my counsels be glad.
A dark skulking despoiler mars the chapel’s serenity,
Determined enemy of your precious virginity!
He hides at the church door, plotting the longer you stay,
To grab you and hold you and have his fiendish way!
I see you grow pale and then bright red at the image.
He’s eager for his sport. He’s at the line of scrimmage.
There’s not a moment to lose in evading his plan.
Poor dear, flee the church, or know too much of man!
I see you hesitate. I see you uncertain. You waver.
Sestine, honest maid, I can’t believe this behavior.
I’ve said it before, child, let me say it again,
A darkness hides in the most light-hearted of men.
Do you doubt me? Is it possible? How unkind and thorny.
Sestine! You know nothing of men when they’re horny!
Get out now. While you can. You’re young and strong,
Don’t let him degrade you and then string you along.

(SESTINE picks up her bible and exits into a side chapel.)

STUB (CONT’D)
Where are you going? That’s not the exit I see.
Now, now, my dear Sestine, flee the pervert-- not me!

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